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Yard Waste within the home

May 19, 2010

Yard waste within the home: A most disturbing category of yard waste that is found inside one’s dwelling as opposed to the lawn surrounding the house.  See also: Yard Waste.

Frequently encountered beyond the pale, Yard Waste has been known to occupy the homes of those residing within the pale (see also: failed attempts at leaving the pale).  While little is known about the motives for displaying Yard Waste within one’s home, this unhealthy practice may be an expression of  a latent subconscious desire to leave the confines of the pale.  Those who attempt  to recreate what exists beyond the pale within their homes would be better off wandering beyond the pale.

Such pitiful assortments of things, which may include driftwood, rubber hoses, and rusty animal traps, should be considered Yard Waste in the home if they meet at least two of the three criteria below:

  1. Item(s) would be considered useless trash by a rational person.
  2. Item(s) is physically inside the house even though social norm dictates that it be located outdoors.
  3. Item(s) serves neither a functional nor aesthetic purpose inside.

Objects naturally accumulating in the area surrounding a home (yard) should not be considered Yard Waste unless their presence disturbs those who reside in the home surrounded by said yard.

Under no circumstances should one drag Yard Waste into his or her home to conceal it from view, as dementia and bizarre injuries often result from such self-conscious behavior.

The presence of Yard Waste in the home should never be confused with hoarding. Those who hoard experience the joys derived from compulsively collecting large quantities of the same item, while the practice of hiding or displaying Yard Waste in one’s home is unpleasant for everyone involved.

When encountering Yard Waste within the home of someone else, personal safety should be the paramount concern of visitors.  Under no circumstances should a visitor attempt to remove Yard Waste from a host’s home, as confrontations regarding said Yard Waste always end in violence. Furthermore, a guest who encounters Yard Waste inside the home of a host should take great care to avoid injuries.

If the risk to pets and small children becomes so great that a guest is compelled to remove Yard Waste from the home of a friend of loved one, an individual protective device will be required.

Role in dysfunctional family directly relates to likelihood that a guest will attempt to remove Yard Waste from the home of his or her host or parents.  See also: Dysfunctional Families, Kin, hero.

These people have a lovely blog and discuss the proper way to keep Yard Waste from invading one’s quarters.

One Comment leave one →
  1. antiplath permalink
    June 27, 2010 14:00

    I have at least two things inside that qualify. Well, one now, because the second became a home for termites. My 12 ft ladder either intrigues or repels guests. The repelled guests never stay long and that is for the best. I like to think of it as an acid test. 🙂

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